To celebrate Father’s Day, Sophia at HelloGiggles talked about TV dads but what I want to talk about now is TV FAMILIES, friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. My little brother drives me crazy but he’s my little brother and I’ll always want to keep him around. My mom and dad are the bee’s knees and let me rely WAY too much on their kindness and generosity, which is always great. But when I was a kid I didn’t always think these things. When I was little I watched WAY too much television and had a lot of daydreams about joining those families.
The Connors - Let’s face it. While Dan and Roseanne didn’t have a lot of cash, they were pretty cool parents. As a matter of fact, they truly remind me a lot my parents so maybe they don’t really even belong on this list of escapism. I still would have wound up with a Dodge Dart as my first car and I still wouldn’t have had designer jeans on the first day of school. I still would have had a pesky little brother who was mother’s favorite. But not all is like it is in my house. I sure don’t have an Aunt Jackie who changes careers like I change socks. My great-grandmother never made a good Christmas tree. And I sure as hell didn’t grow up with Sandra Bernhard as a staple in my household. But in my family I would have had both Beckys. I can’t just pick one and you can’t make me.
The Foster/Lamberts - Step by step, day by day… It took place in my state, for god’s sake, so I’m pretty sure I was meant to be part of this family. Cousin Cody. JT and his wacky antics. A sister like Dana. I truly believe this was a family that my cloth is cut from. Maybe I would have been Dana’s twin sister, even if we’re years apart in age, because I like to think I’ve got that level of sarcasm down. Maybe the Thigh Master would have been a regular part of my exercise routine. And holy cow, Balki in the house! Besides, in a family that big, it would have been pretty easy to get lost in the shuffle and get away with anything, right? Right.
The Huxtables - I often had this huge internal debate over whether or not I’d really want to be part of this family. Cliff and Claire don’t screw around. Their house is kind of a tight ship and they expect a lot of their kids. We all knew Denise was screwed out of the womb because her incessant need to march to the beat of her own drum was just not in line with Mom and Pop or Grandma and Grandpa… or Grandma and Grandpa. You get the picture. I don’t know if I could have taken the pressure. I might have turned all whiny like Rudy or completely insufferable like Vanessa. However, I’d like to think that I’d have been more like the Theo of the family. You didn’t always know if he was going to turn out okay but you had this hunch that he was the gem of the family. And I don’t care what anyone else says; I wanted Olivia to be my niece from Day 1. Hillman College Forever. (I wish I could tell you how many years I spent believing I could actually go there…)
The Lawsons - No seriously, is it bad to wish for a Sister Robot? Forget Sister Wives. Who wants to share household duties when your robotic sister can just do it all for you? Am I right or am I right?
The Seavers - I don’t care that my brother would have mocked my weight or that my sister would constantly show me up in grades. Ben and I would have stuck together, combating the oppressive weight of our elder siblings. Maybe Maggie was a bit neurotic and Jason would have psycho analyzed me way more than I’d care for but every parent/child relationship has their quirks. Who wouldn’t have wanted to live a life where a kid named BONER STABONE frequently joined the family for dinner? (RIP Andrew Koenig.) I am a firm believer that little Chrissy Seaver was a huge mistake and a little me would have made such a better grasping-for-straws addition to the family unit. Where’s Doc Brown and that time machine when you need it?
The Walshes - You could often find me watching 90210 well after my bedtime, with the aid of towels blocking the glow from under my door after I had been strictly forbidden from watching the show. It was simply NOT ALLOWED in my house. (I know from other blogs I’ve read, that I am NOT alone. We need to start a support group.) Was that part of the allure? Not a chance. Maybe the Walshes were a little strict and maybe we would have wound up having loud arguments over curfew and who I could hang out with but at the end of the day that “we are strict because we care” would settle in and I’d know I was loved… by Jim and Cindy… parents of the year material. They may have embarrassed me by trying to be cool at the beach club but I’d secretly love it. I mean, their house was like the little safe zone of the West Bev crew. Everyone and their mom lived in that place at some point well after the shark got jumped. Cindy made dinner all the time and Jim wore suspenders. Need I give you any more reason why this family would have been perfect?
Before anyone can ask, no, I never wanted to be a Tanner. I’d have been screwed if my dad was as clean obsessed as Danny was. And The Arnolds almost made this list except for the teensy little detail of Fred Savage being one of my first crushes…