it's just me.

2013 hopes & aspirations

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 12:12:01 -0800

I hate the word “resolution” when it comes to the start of a new year so I’m opting for a different word, if for nothing else than my own peace of mind.

In 2013, I want to…

get accepted into the University of Washington as a transfer student in my junior year, working toward my BA in anthropology.
work toward being healthier, both in diet and in exercise. More conscious decisions when it comes to what I eat and regular activity mixed into my day.
read at least 35 books. (I did 28 in 2012 and 16 in 2011.)
spend more time DOING and less time thinking/planning. “…love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: love does.” -Bob Goff.
perform random acts of kindness. Buy coffee for the person behind me, load a $15 gift card at the grocery store for the next person who seems like they need the help, hold open more doors, ask people if they need help, acknowledge the people in my life for the contributions they make. Small things that are big impacts on other’s hearts.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the...

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 22:47:00 -0800

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.” - Fred Rogers

(This was on my daughter’s school district page to help parents talk to their school aged children about the tragedy at Sandy Hook. I felt compelled to share it.)

Random post of the day.

Sun, 16 Dec 2012 22:14:58 -0800

I woke up sick. I’m still sick. But today turned out pretty great anyway.

My family decorated the Christmas tree, did our cards, and wrapped some presents. It was a nice little Christmas-oriented day and I feel pretty lucky for that.

My UW and WWU applications are almost done. I just need to finesse my personal statements and I’ll be ready to roll.

I’m loving (LOVING) my book, The Forever War by Joe Haldeman.

The Packers won today. Not only did they win but they won against their biggest division rival AND clinched the spot as division champions. Not too shabby!

I won my fantasy football playoff round. That doesn’t suck!

The Homeland finale BLEW ME AWAY. I won’t say anything more right now but I fell in love with a character I previously hated and I had a lot of feelings centered around confusion. I cannot wait for season three. This is seriously the best show on TV.

I feel pretty grateful to have had such a simple day with my family and some of the entertainment that I love most. The small moments are sometimes the best. Hold on to each and every one.

The Happiness Advantage

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 13:20:27 -0800

At work we were shown a video of a TED talk done by Shawn Achor (which you can watch here). I could pull a dozen quotes from the talk but for the sake of brevity, I’ll take my favorite out: “See what we’re finding is it’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time.”

Watch the video, really. It’s pretty fantastic and he’s a crazy charismatic speaker.

Anyway, what our manager posed to us was a challenge that is part of the talk. 21 days of attempting at least one item out of a list of five:

1. Gratitude
2. Journaling
3. Conscious Acts of Kindness
4. Meditation
5. Exercise

I wondered if I could manage to pull off all five. Could I write a journal entry every day, outlining something good from that day and include three things I’m grateful for at the end of each post? Could I incorporate exercise into at least three days a week but meditation into each night before I go to bed? And, perhaps, could I also find a way to express kindness each day by sending an email or a text praising or thanking someone in my life?

I think it would be nice to try. Is anyone with me?

Damn those government programs. They never result in anything...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 17:01:01 -0700

Damn those government programs. They never result in anything good. /sarcasm

Lee's sister shared this and I have to share it, too.

Thu, 04 Oct 2012 16:40:02 -0700

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Laugh as we always laughed

together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is past, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before, only better,
infinitely happier and forever,
We will all be one together …

(From the Carmelite Monastery in Tallow, Ireland)

Another Must-Share...

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 21:55:00 -0700

I want these marked for posterity. I want to never forget those moments on Saturday that made me sad but warmed my heart all at once. Rev. Ingersoll asked us all to never forget the way our hearts were open and full as we came together to share our memories of Lee and Judy. I know I never will.

This was read by his sister, Lisa, during the service, and was one of those moments that had me in tears but trying to commit each word to memory at the same time. So grateful that it was shared online…

———————-

THE UNFINISHED
We cannot judge a biography by its length,
Nor by the number of pages in it
We must judge it by the richness of its contents
Sometimes those unfinished are among the most poignant.

We cannot judge a song by its duration,
Nor by the number of its notes
We must judge it by the way it touches and lifts our souls
Sometimes those unfinished are among the most beautiful.

And when something has enriched your life
And when its melody lingers on in your heart
Is it unfinished?
Or is it endless?

- VIKTOR E. FRANKEL

A Must-Share from the Dirks/Lew Memorial

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 21:45:00 -0700

This was read yesterday at the memorial of my colleague and friend, Lee, and his lovely wife Judy. There were many instances in the 3 hours we were gathered that had me in tears and the reading of this was definitely one of them. It touched me so deeply and I was so glad that it was put on facebook so that I can hold on to it infinitely.

———————————-

It is a fearful thing to love
what death can touch.

A fearful thing to love,
hope, dream, to be —
to be, and oh! to lose.

A thing for fools this, and
a holy thing,
a holy thing to love.

For
your life has lived in me,
your laugh once lifted me,
your word was a gift to me.

To remember this brings a painful joy.
‘Tis a human thing, love,
a holy thing,
to love
what death has touched.

by Chaim Stern

The English language doesn't make words for this.

Sun, 09 Sep 2012 18:49:00 -0700

I start college again two weeks from tomorrow. I took the ultimate risk in hopes that it will lead to even better possibilities for me. I rented out my house, I quit my job, I moved back in with my parents, and I enrolled in college fulltime. I’ve got goals, dreams, hopes and the belief that achieving my potential will be the ultimate reward.

And I’m sad. As I got inspired to make these choices, I knew I couldn’t leap without talking to someone who knows the possible outcomes on the other side. I knew that I needed someone experienced to give me a steady hand and help guide me along the way. I wasn’t looking for someone to tell me what to do or how to do it but I looked for someone to help me navigate on this very unfamiliar path.

That someone was Lee Dirks, my colleague, my friend, my mentor. When I sat down in his office months ago to tell him of my frustrations, of my goals, of my confusion on how to get there, he listened. When I told him of my shaky ideas, he smiled. When I asked him for his thoughts, he spoke. When he spoke, I listened. I always listened. This man knew libraries. This man knew a love of information. This man knew what the road in front of me looked like and he’d traveled down it long enough to be the perfect hand to hold when I needed to. I lean on Oz references too much, perhaps. (It is my favorite movie.) But maybe he was my scarecrow - the first person I encountered in a strange new land who knew enough about that strange new land to make me feel safe and secure about being there.

When I finally made the decision to take this tremendous leap, Lee grinned at me and told me he was proud of me. He told me to come take that seat in his office any time that I needed help. He made sure I knew that his door was always open whether I needed to vent, needed advice, or just needed to talk. When I told him that I plan to pursue my BA in anthropology, he said that he thought I’d be awesome at it. When I told him that I then plan to get my masters in library and information sciences from the iSchool at the UW, I could see how happy he was. This was his domain. This is the world he knows. He’d already written a letter of recommendation to the iSchool about a job I was once interested in but he was thrilled at the idea of writing me a letter of recommendation to actually GO there. We talked about it multiple times and every single time I got more excited just from listening to the sheer enthusiasm Lee had around this particular area of academia. It was impossible not to catch that from him (on pretty much any topic he loved).

I feel a little lost now. I feel more than a little sad. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve gotten teary at random intervals. I can’t stop thinking about what the world has lost. I can’t stop thinking about what Microsoft has lost. I can’t stop thinking about what his family has lost. And, yes, selfishly, I can’t stop thinking about what I have lost. I feel a little alone as I approach the beginning of this new journey. How do I navigate without my scarecrow?

“Follow the yellow brick road.”

Rest In Peace, Lee and Judy Dirks. We miss you.

Back in Black - Campaign Fibs

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 22:16:12 -0700

Back in Black - Campaign Fibs:

I laughed out loud the entire time. It’s a really good watch and I wish I could make EVERYONE I know watch it, too. “Is there anything we still hold to a standard of truth?”

ARTICLE: We Are Not Arguing Over Chicken

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 17:21:35 -0700

ARTICLE: We Are Not Arguing Over Chicken :

For me this is exactly what the debate boils down to… whether it’s about a chicken sandwich, Boy Scouts, the right to marry, etc. etc. etc. This is incredibly well-written and should definitely be read.

All In: India

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 10:16:40 -0700

All In: India:

My friends are moving to India. They are ditching everything about their lives to follow their dreams. They’d like to turn this into a reality show about GOOD things, not glorifying drunken madness and hooking up with random people. In order to do that… they need our help!

All I’m asking from you is to reblog this. Tweet it. Post it on Facebook. Spread the word. I see the silliest things reblogged by thousands of people. I really want to see this - this amazing dream - supported and reblogged, too. Please just take a quick second to spread it like wildfire.

And if you can? Donate. Support.

A conversation between Piers Morgan and Mayor Bloomberg.

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 14:14:00 -0700

I heard this on the radio yesterday and it haunted me - specifically the very last line. There’s a lot of conversation right now (or a distinct lack of conversation, really) around gun control in the wake of the Aurora shooting. I have mixed views on a lot of it but this statement from Mayor Bloomberg of NY really helps me come to a more sturdy position. I don’t know that stripping guns away from people in general is the right answer. Taking away a citizens right to protect themselves after following the right channels to get there may not be the way to go. What I DO know is that stripping military grade guns and armor piercing bullets ARE. Getting guns out of the hands of people who have no business having guns is the right answer. We all think about this in terms of the individual’s rights. But this goes a step further into that area I never even considered. What about the people who are sworn to protect us? What about their safety? This statement just really, really hit home.

I don’t understand why the police officers across this country don’t stand up collectively and say, we’re going to go on strike. We’re not going to protect you. Unless you, the public, through your legislature, do what’s required to keep us safe.

After all, police officers want to go home to their families. And we’re doing everything we can to make their job more difficult but, more importantly, more dangerous, by leaving guns in the hands of people who shouldn’t have them, and letting people who have those guns buy things like armor-piercing bullets.

The only reason to have an armor-piercing bullet is to go through a bullet-resistant vest. The only people that wear bullet-resistant vest are our police officers. And that’s true across this whole country. So we should — at some point we have to understand this as our children or our grandchildren or us. But for the police officers, it’s much more immediate. Because when you or I hear shots, we run away. They run towards it.

Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 21:12:48 -0700

Pictures That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity:

I hope this makes you smile, warms your heart, brings some wonderful tears to your eyes and maybe even inspires you to do things worthy of being lumped with these photographs. Amazing, amazing people do exist.

"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own..."

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 21:42:56 -0700

“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.”

- HAFEZ

"Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage… and I promise you, something great..."

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 21:42:49 -0700

“Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage… and I promise you, something great will come of it.”

- We Bought A Zoo

Mommy Goes To School

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 21:25:32 -0700

I recently announced that I am making a big change in my life - quitting my great job at Microsoft, renting out the house I just purchased a year ago, moving back in with my parents and going back to school full-time. It’s huge and terrifying but also pretty damn exciting. I’ve got things in motion now and any doubts or worries have to be ignored in favor of the bigger picture.

Today I met with my adviser to discuss my academic plan. I’m only 38 credits away from graduating with my Associate of Arts degree for transfer to the University of Washington (hopefully) in the summer of 2013. Unless I get bit by a new passion during this journey, my plan is to pursue my Bachelor of Arts degree with a major in journalism and a minor in anthropology. After that I’m torn between pursuing my Master of Arts in the communication program, my Master of Arts in the anthropology program or my Master of Library and Information Science at the iSchool. I’m looking forward to exploring each path when I get to the UW so I can figure out which path to follow for my graduate studies.

But let’s not put the cart before the horse. I’m just excited to be registered and ready to begin this new journey in the fall. My course load for Fall 2012 is…

HIST 255: BOND…JAMES BOND
Examines the history and politics behind the spy with a “license to kill” that has thrilled readers and moviegoers since 1953. We will examine both the literary Bond, as portrayed in the writing of Ian Fleming, and the movie Bond from Sean Connery to Daniel Craig.

HLTH 100 - Contemporary Health Issues
Research and exploration of social and personal health issues. Behavioral influence and individual decision presented in written argument and group discussion.

PHYS& 100 - Physics for Non-Science Majors
One quarter course in physics designed for non-science majors. Students learn how physics explains their world. Class activities include learning about experimentation, measurement, and simple mathematical modeling. Four hours of lecture and two hours of lab weekly.

I have moments where I feel like my brain is about to explode from the sheer insanity of doing this. I’ve been called crazy by a couple of people but even those people have been excited for me and enthusiastic about my next chapter. When I get too caught up in thought or toss and turn because my brain won’t shut off at night, as it runs through a long list of things-to-do between now and September, I have to remind myself of this exact sentiment right here:

(photo credit: thoughtsoff)

Happiness & How To Find It

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 17:38:14 -0700

I’ve been reading so many posts on Facebook lately by people who seem to be desperately seeking happiness and seem to be failing in their mission. I see people who seem resigned to the fact that happiness is out of their reach because A, B, and C didn’t come together or because Jane Doe/John Smith doesn’t love them or because < insert reason here >. I’ve seen so much of it lately and it’s been weighing on my brain a lot.

Five years ago I got divorced. It was a choice that I made because the situation simply wasn’t right for me. There are other reasons I can pin it on but at the end of the day, my happiness wasn’t there. I’ve spent the last five years ago realizing that my happiness isn’t in anyone else but me. I say it a lot and I get a lot of skeptical comments or glances, as though people think I’m just offering up platitudes. It’s like the people who know me have forgotten that I don’t just say it to say it. I have a history. I have experience. I’ve been through the ringer and have been stretched beyond my limits. I’ve been at my lowest, with no money, a broken home, a bad job and very few options. When I say that happiness is deeply internal, it isn’t just lip service that I read on some website. It’s a tried and true, very tested truth.

Sure, other people can help contribute to your happiness. Sure, good circumstances can make you happy. I don’t deny either of those things. But even in shitty situations, even when you’re not in love and not floating on cloud nine, you can be happy. It’s about finding a peace within yourself and rolling with the punches as they come. Happiness isn’t a situation; it’s a state of mind. Even when I worry about how the next bill is going to get paid, I can still smile and laugh and feel content. I stopped giving so much importance to the things that I can’t control and on that day, my life improved ten fold. Sure, some days I forget my own advice. One those days I let myself dwell and feel sorry for myself but when I get my perspective back and STOP giving those things importance, I immediately feel better. I feel happy. I feel happy because I let myself feel happy. I feel happy because I deserve it. Just like you do.

I found this today and it’s another example of people saying what I’m thinking better than I can, so I’m going to go ahead and shut up and let them do just that.

The Secret of Happiness

We all know it, but we don’t get it. The secret of happiness it that it comes from within us, not from outside us. But we twist this knowledge into something it should not be. We pervert it. We constantly run back to money, people and possessions. “I would truly be happy inside if “I could just get a man/woman.” “If I can just get this job, I will be happy inside”. If I could just possess this one thing, I would be happy inside”. Six months. Six months at the outside is the time that happiness will last if it is solely based on exterior circumstances. Then your brain will say “enough of all this high intensity” and will regulate back to a normal level of satisfaction”.

We have to CHOOSE to be happy. We can CHOOSE to not let circumstances effect our lives. Remember circumstances are neutral. We have the choice as to what value we place on them. We have the choice to see problems or see solutions (even opportunities). We have the choice to play the victim/martyr or the one who is tenacious (hanging on never quitting) or even the hero. We have the choice to be calm and content in all things, or anxious and discontent in all things.

As far as relationships go, this is very important. Until you can love yourself and be happy without a mate, then you will never find happiness in a relationship. You put too much emphasis on the other person to bring you happiness. When they don’t, you will blame them and want to try someone new. Or, you will pressure them to bring you happiness and smother them looking for happiness and will drive them away. Again, until you can be happy and content on your own, you are poison to another and they are poison to you. It will bring you even more heart ache then you already have. I will write more about this at another time.

Happiness is found in the day to day small things. A good cup of coffee. A good conversation. A job well done. A sunny day. A rainy day. Finding the beauty around you by being awake and observant. A comfortable bed. The breeze on your skin. Relizing that everything does not have to be more than it allready is. A lot of things are good just the way they are. We don’t need to add to them to “make them even better”. The list of little things to be happy about in a day is endless. Again as I often discuss, we can train our brains to think differently if we discipline them consistently. If we CHOOSE to look for all the little things that make us happy hour by hour, then we will end up happy at the end of the day. If we do this every day, we will end up happy at the end of the week. Do this every week; you gain a year of happiness. Do this every year; you gain a life time of happiness.

The choice is ours. Me included. I need to follow my own advice as much as anyone.

http://howtotrulylive.com/the-secret-of-happiness/

Oh, that sweet, sweet Matty Barr. I’m finally watching...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 22:16:23 -0700

Oh, that sweet, sweet Matty Barr. I’m finally watching Hatfields & McCoys and, as suspected, he’s pretty damn perfect. Oh yeah, that whole Costner/Paxton thing ain’t too shabby either.

Carpe diem: Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

Tue, 29 May 2012 20:20:14 -0700

Carpe diem: Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico:

herquietplace:

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that…